By: Ann Arceo, AAMS®
November is National Family Caregivers Month! There are millions of heroes out there who provide care to their loved ones and their efforts are all too often overlooked. It’s not an easy job and the pressure caregivers put on themselves can be enormous. In honor of this important month, we’re outlining some steps you can take to take care of yourself emotionally and financially to make sure you can continue to provide great support to others.
It’s Okay to Need a Break
There is no denying that being a family caregiver can be difficult and emotional. It's easy to fall into a trap of putting your own needs last, but how can you continue to be the best caregiver if you don’t also take care of your own mental and physical health? No one can do a job all the time without needing breaks to recharge. Think about the activities that would be most meaningful to you such as going to the gym, meeting up with friends, attending to personal chores and doctor’s appointments. You may feel guilty about wanting breaks, but it can be beneficial for your loved one as well as it gives them a chance to interact with someone new and have a change of scenery or routine.
You can start by enlisting family and friends to help. Be specific with the help you need. CareGiver Action Network has an article that can assist you with “Defining the Help You Need.” It might be that you need half a day each month to attend to personal chores or maybe an out of town relative can come for a visit allowing you to take a vacation. Make a list of the care and chores you provide (mowing the lawn, cleaning, cooking, attending doctor’s appointments) and think about the ones that are the most difficult for you. This will help you find outside services such as Meals on Wheels or friends and family that can pitch in. Each state has an agency that lists the resources available for aging and disabled adults (Local Agency on Aging).
We know not everyone will have family and friends they can ask for help. There are also many services that provide respite care (in-home help, adult daycare) to give you a much needed break. ARCH National Respite Network and Resource Center is a wonderful tool that can help you find care assistance in your area. The website also discusses how to pay for respite care through state or federal programs such as Medicaid if your loved one qualifies. There are also volunteer organizations that offer free assistance. ElderHelp can help you find local volunteers. You may also want to check with your church as there are many faith based organizations that offer volunteer help.
Talk to Someone
Being a caregiver for a loved one can certainly be rewarding, but if you aren’t careful to tend to your needs, it can also increase your risk of depression. “A report from the Family Caregiver Alliance found that 40%-70% of caregivers have symptoms of depression.” Certainly, following the steps above to give yourself breaks to recharge can be a huge help in boosting your own quality of life. Also, joining a support group or speaking to a therapist can help you cope with the demands of providing care. You can also talk to your doctor as they can offer advice for treatment or therapy if you are dealing with depression.
There is no shame in acknowledging that you need support. Joining a group of other caregivers either in-person or online gives you the chance to connect with others who will understand the challenges and emotions involved in being a caregiver. This article lists several support groups so you can find the one that best matches your situation: 23 Popular Online and In-person Caregiver Support Groups
Take Charge & Plan For Your Own Financial & Long Term Care Goals
It’s understandable that in the middle of all that you have going on that it’s hard to think about planning for your financial future and possible long-term care needs. Remember that long-term care planning puts you in charge of your future and is a gift to your loved ones as they’ll have a clear idea of your wishes. Also, as you may know from your own experience as a caregiver, government programs can be limited when it comes to paying for long term care. That’s why it’s crucial to have a financial plan and explore options such as long term care insurance. It’s also important to meet with an estate planning attorney to make sure you have the proper documents in place including a Medical Power of Attorney.
You know as a caregiver that there are lots of additional practical details to consider. If you decide to stay in your home, how will you deal with stairs, home maintenance, and cleaning? The American Academy of Family Physicians Foundation has a list of resources that can help you think through the details and start a conversation with your family. AARP has a detailed workbook that can help you build your own long term care plan. The process of making a plan and having those difficult conversations with family members isn’t easy. However, the peace of mind that comes with knowing you have a plan, and you’ve taken some of the burden off your loved ones is worth it.
Caregivers certainly make our world a better place with their love, compassion, and patience, but even superheroes need a break. We hope that as we celebrate you this month, you can use the resources and tools listed above to prioritize your needs, plan your future, and find a support network who will be there with you on your journey.