Asking for a Friend - At what point do we start to insert ourselves into our parents' finances?

August 29, 2022

Question:

I’ve noticed recently that my mom's short-term memory is failing and that her anxiety seems to be growing.  We’ve been told not to make too many changes too quickly as that can cause more anxiety.  At what point do we start to insert ourselves in her finances?

Answer:

  • Amy’s take:

    • The first thing I would recommend is to touch base with an Elder Law attorney in your State.  Yes, there is an added expense in doing this, but honestly, I see people spending thousands of dollars unwinding something that could have cost hundreds of dollars if they would have met with the attorney first.

    • The second thing I would recommend is having the “Other Talk” with your parents.  They may want to involve you, but don’t want to burden you; sometimes they won’t ask, but they will let you get involved if you offer.  Note: you can find the book, the “Other Talk” online at Amazon.com 

  • Becky’s take:

    • The earlier the better. Start out by offering to assist with reviewing bills with her but let her continue to feel in control of making the payment. She may just ask you to take over if you show interest in helping.

  • Ann’s take:

    • I also believe the sooner the better. The Alzheimer’s Association has a helpful Legal & Financial Worksheet that you can fill out to understand your mom’s financial picture and make sure bills are being paid.

    • You may also need to reduce her credit card spending limits or even cancel cards to protect your mom from making large purchases.

    • You may also want to look into freezing her credit report and register for fraud alerts through her bank and credit card companies. This will help protect your mom from scams and fraud as unfortunately elderly people can be targets.

  • Kate’s take:

    • I have learned that paperwork becomes very anxiety producing for people in this situation.

      • I would offer to help with organization and sorting of mail and files.

      • This will also be a way to start learning more about her finances and possibly unearth other important details that would be helpful to know now.

Here is a checklist that you might find helpful:


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